[of K]
P: according to Wes, you are only good for heartbreak… and WET DREAMS!
Monthly Archives: January 2007
Heros
[of the superfans]
K: I admire them and respect them as human beings and dedicated collegiate men.
Posted in K
Exotic AND Holy
K: I speak with impramatur and with a Latin accent.
And when I say “Latin”, I mean “Spanish or Portuguese” … because hey, my Latin is dead.
Ole!
Posted in K
Doing Our Best
P: Is it wierd when he’s around?
K: No, I’m not sure whether it’s a significant effort on his part, or if he is genuinely that cool.
P: No, he’s a total creeper.
K: He’s a creeper around you! You bring out the best in everyone.
It Was More Than Any Laws Allow
[talking about what K should expect in the future]
P: When you get married, there will be nights when only you will be pleasured.
Oh Darn
J: I would kick her in the face.
B: I would kick her in the neck. Repeatedly.
J: With a knife!
K: Hitting someone with a knife is called stabbing.
J: I always get those confused!
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
J: Seriously, what’s the red eye?
C: It’s a flight that’s late at night, and when it’s over people are tired.
J: For real?
C: No. It’s really a plane ride where people smoke pot the whole time.
Bears.
J: I hate the word “hibernate”.
Everyone: WHAT?!
J: “Hibernate” means I didn’t charge my f-ing computer and I have to go get my damn AC adaptor. Also it reminds me of bears. They’re like, ten times bigger than I am, and their quick. If I’m menstruating and a bears around, I’m in trouble.
Posted in J
Hot x Infinity
K: It’s just my personal opinion, but I think you would look extra classy with your leg amputated.
Posted in K
Forget Dr. Dre
K: God is going to strike you down with a child JUST LIKE YOU!
Pretty much you’re just jealous that your 401k doesn’t include a 4-legged transportation animal with a chronic illness.
In my expert opinion, and with the help of the Hypochondriac Manual, I have diagnosed you with a new illness. Forget ADHD. You’ve got . . . (dun dun dunnnn)
WANNABETES!
It explains your incredible sense of humor, your hyperactivity, your general assholery, your fascination with ponies, and your inibility to be anywhere on time.
I’ll write you a perscription for Diet Pepsi.
Use as needed.
Posted in K
Hump Day
[organizing J’s computer files]
K: Hey Jenny, do you want to keep this porno?
J: What, ‘Arab Chicks and Irish Guys’? Yeah, I want that.
K: Alright. I’ll put it in your Movies folder.
The Showerhead is Handheld
[passing the bathroom]
J: I just finished.
P: So now you’re putting your fingers in your mouth?!
J: I USED MY LEFT HAND!
Oh, catholics.
Oh, Communications Majors
S: You know . . . that party game, the one that young college students like to play . . .
you know . . . milkpong.
Posted in Other
Awkward
[Loudly, in a public place]
B: I just KNOW that you want to have sweet, calm, respectable sex with him.
K: Well, fuck you very much. Now everyone is going to be all confused about whom I lust after.
Future = Bright
K: I think I’ve got next semester all figured out.
I’m probably going to take:
Gangbang 101,
Freebasing Tutorial,
and Oral Sex Workshop.
Also, an Earth Sciences for my core credits.
Posted in K
No, Really. She’s RP.
B: Thank you God for ridding our fine country of slavery; and the world of Nazi terrorism . . . and thank you dear Lord, also, for the Backstreet Boys.
Posted in B
Where’s Sally Wiggin When You Need Her?
[dorm room door bangs open, creating a LARGER hole in K’s wall, if that’s possible]
B: JEFF VERSZYLA JUST STOPPED BY TO TELL ME TO TELL YOU THAT HE HATES YOU!
[door slams closed]
Always Economic
B: I’m going to commit suicide. You might want to show up as I’m doing it so that your tuition will be taken care of.
K: No problem, but I have class at 6:30.
Colloquial 